Father of gay son to religious groups: Focus on the real problem guys

In a letter to the Observer a self identified father of a non typical gay man penned the following letter, what caught my attention was the reference to one of the ridiculous causations of male homosexuality that is still used today by religious academics, anti gay groups, Christians Psychologists and theologians that an absentee father makes a boy want to be gay as he seeks to compensate for the loss through sex with men in some misplaced emotional lack.

The letter writer said:

Focus on the real problem 'guys'

Dear Editor,

I am father to a gay son. As an adult preparing to have children, I always dreaded the possibility that a child of mine might grow up to be gay. In my mind at the time, gay was the antithesis of "man", and I took solace in the belief that there was no way I could raise a sissy.

Despite overwhelming scientific evidence to the contrary, many anti-gay crusaders claim that absentee fathers and overbearing mothers contribute to gender dysphoria in children and could make them weak to homosexual temptations. You can imagine my dismay then when I realised that my last born, the second male child in the family, had an affinity for toys and activities that are stereotypically feminine.

I felt inadequate as a father, because I believed my parenting style was harming his psychological and sexual development. My son loved to read and he eventually became a teacher of literature and philosophy at a college in the United States where he now lives. He is no longer an embarrassment to me because he is the most talented, caring and responsible person I know. My son is an ambitious Jamaican, a gifted teacher and the most trustworthy friend to those who know him. There is nothing anti-man about him. I like to think our society would be better off and our homes would be more empowering spaces with men and fathers with his attributes.

Instead of condemning homosexuals who are growing tired of life in the shadows, let us focus our attention on the men who have actually destroyed our society: The "bad man dem" who count babies with "gyal ina bungle" as trophies, despite being unemployed; the "tugz dem" who rape our women and girls; the "shotta dem" who steal and murder "fi eat a food"; and the "don dem" who use violence to inspire obedience in inner-city residents and offer handouts from money got through extortion and narcotics trafficking to demand loyalty.

Many gay people have distinguished themselves in every field, because many of them understand they must work twice as hard as their heterosexual colleagues to avoid harassment and decrease their vulnerability to violence. Their sexuality is considered a handicap, so they compensate for it with excellence. Many have left our shores to contribute to the development of already affluent societies. Others remain in Jamaica donating their talents to a society that refuses to recognise their humanity.

Sherman Wallacesherman.p.wallace@gmail.com

ENDS

This same causation line was used at a recent anti gay seminar as hosted by Reverend Clinton Chisholm and guest Psychologist Dr Joan Pickney held in April of this year as they drew on old and rejected data from the US based anti gay group 

NARTH - National Association of Research and Therapy of Homosexuality even in the face of damning criticisms and legal action taken by some of their own research fellows who claim their work was misused by the agency to promote their anti gay and dangerous reparative solutions in their eyes. In that lecture they attributed lesbianism's causation as a missing father in the home making the individual wanting to act the role of a man and persons sat in the audience absorbing this self righteous crap.

We have seen the apparent closure and apology from its leader just days ago from the EX-Gay Ministries formerly known as Exodus as well in the United States where it has been seen anecdotally and otherwise that reparative therapy does not work in a supposed bid to repair or change homosexual orientation and even some leaders themselves have been found in compromising positions with other secretively while publicly promoting change is possible in homosexuals. The APA issued a position statement on the issue in 2000: GO HERE while many US states have now raised to the level of state law proscriptions to ban such practices, New Jersey being the latest in the line doing so just days ago. All this happening while our church groups and some psychosocial professionals go in the opposite directions playing on the ignorance of a glib following.

There are some attempts to continue aspects of the defunct Exodus Ministries as we see despite the APA's statement and the obvious failing of this practice of RT: 

Five Outcomes of the Exodus Ex-Gay Reboot

Here is a clip from the documentary for the Bible Tells Me So where a leading Psychologist warns of the dangers of reparative therapy:

Good that this father is enlightened to some extent, I too always had a father and mother present physically and emotionally for the most part and that never stopped my natural feelings I had, I was not groomed into becoming gay or any older man fondling my parts and playing unto my curiosity or ignorance as is postured by anti gay religious and homophobic figures who like to claim so protection of the vulnerable imperative. Paedophilia and homosexuality are NOT one in the same and in fact the sexual orientation of a paedophile is immaterial as any adult that is sexual attracted to a child has a diagnosable disorder that can be addressed over time by psychological and pharmacological responses from the relevant experts the same cannot be said for homosexuality. We are born this way. It is not only LGBT body politic itself that has to come out on this but also allies and family members as well who have to speak in show of genuine support so as to make real tolerance evident.

Another such strong set of rebukes have been coming towards the anti gay religious establishment since their recent public agitation: (photo from June 23 march in Kingston's Heroes Circle)

Church's Priority Misplaced (Gleaner Letter)

Shame On Church - Clergyman Charges Christians to focus on real issues instead

and my posts: The False Dichotomy of the religious right .................. and Scenes from anti gay Lovemarch at Heroes Circle

Peace and tolerance

H

American Academy of Pediatrics Supports Gay Marriage ..... says it is good for kids

Concludes Same-Sex Marriage As Good For Kids

The American Academy of Pediatrics, representing 60,000 pediatricians and other pediatric specialists, “supports pediatricians advocating for public policies that help all children and their parents, regardless of sexual orientation, build and maintain strong, stable, and healthy families that are able to meet the needs of their children.”

The AAP’s position comes from the perspective of what is best for the children’s well-being: these factors include potentially better access to health insurance, as well as the legal rights for the children and families by marriage, such as parental visitation and custody in case of divorce. There are estimated to be three million lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender parents in the United States, according to the Family Equality Council.

Present and Past Research

The AAP policy statement, “Promoting the Well-Being of Children Whose Parents Are Gay or Lesbian,” and an accompanying technical report will be published in the April 2013 Pediatrics(published online March 21). The report examines some thirty years of research on the well-being of children raised by gay parents and concludes there is no evidence to suggest children are worse off compared with those with heterosexual parents. 

 The policy statement and accompanying technical report adds recommendations in support of civil marriage for same-gender couples, adoption by single parents, co-parents or second parents regardless of sexual orientation and foster care placement regardless of sexual orientation. In a previous 2002 policy statement and reaffirmed in 2012, the AAP supported second-parent adoption by partners of the same sex as a way to protect children’s right to maintain relationships with both parents, financial security, and eligibility for health benefits.

What the Co-Authors of the Policy Statement Say:

According to Ellen Perrin, M.D., a pediatric professor at the Floating Hospital for Children at Tufts Medical Center in Boston, and co-author of the policy statement, there may also be emotional benefits for kids from the stability that comes from marriage. “children with gay parents tend to realize their family is different than others and express relief when their parents are able to get married. If a child has two loving and capable parents who choose to create a permanent bond, it’s in the best interest of their children that legal institutions allow them to do so.”

Benjamin Siegel, MD, chair of the AAP Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health, and co-author of the statement, remarked that “children thrive in families that provide permanent security, and the way we do that is through marriage. The AAP believes there should be equal opportunity for every couple to access the economic stability and federal supports provided to married couples to raise children.”

What is Not Healthy for the Children

The Policy statement says that many factors confer risk to children’s healthy development and adult outcomes, such as poverty, parental depression, parental substance abuse, divorce, and domestic violence. But the sexual orientation of their parents is not among them.” Many studies point to the normal development of children of same-gender couples when the child is wanted, the parents have a commitment to shared parenting, and the parents have strong social and economic support.

additional reading:

Promoting the Well-Being of Children Whose Parents Are Gay or Lesbian

1. COMMITTEE ON PSYCHOSOCIAL ASPECTS OF CHILD AND FAMILY HEALTH

ABSTRACT

To promote optimal health and well-being of all children, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) supports access for all children to (1) civil marriage rights for their parents and (2) willing and capable foster and adoptive parents, regardless of the parents’ sexual orientation. The AAP has always been an advocate for, and has developed policies to support, the optimal physical, mental, and social health and well-being of all infants, children, adolescents, and young adults. In so doing, the AAP has supported families in all their diversity, because the family has always been the basic social unit in which children develop the supporting and nurturing relationships with adults that they need to thrive. Children may be born to, adopted by, or cared for temporarily by married couples, nonmarried couples, single parents, grandparents, or legal guardians, and any of these may be heterosexual, gay or lesbian, or of another orientation. Children need secure and enduring relationships with committed and nurturing adults to enhance their life experiences for optimal social-emotional and cognitive development. Scientific evidence affirms that children have similar developmental and emotional needs and receive similar parenting whether they are raised by parents of the same or different genders. If a child has 2 living and capable parents who choose to create a permanent bond by way of civil marriage, it is in the best interests of their child(ren) that legal and social institutions allow and support them to do so, irrespective of their sexual orientation. If 2 parents are not available to the child, adoption or foster parenting remain acceptable options to provide a loving home for a child and should be available without regard to the sexual orientation of the parent(s).

Q&A ON BISEXUALS: Examining Stereotypes and Misconceptions

Q: What is bisexuality?
A: Bisexuality is the capacity for physical, romantic, and/or emotional attraction to more than one gender/sex. A bisexual identity affirms a reality beyond dualistic categories of sexual orientation and challenges the foundation of binary thinking in this regard.

Q: Do bisexuals have to have partners of different genders/sexes to be satisfied?
A: Bisexuality is the potential – not the requirement – for involvement with more than one gender/sex. This involvement may mean sexually, emotionally, in reality, or in fantasy. Some bisexuals may have concurrent partners; others may relate to different genders/sexes at various time periods. Most bisexuals do not have to be involved with more than one gender/sex at a time in order to feel fulfilled. 

Q: Aren’t bisexuals “oversexed”?
A: Attraction does not necessitate acting on every desire. Just as there is a range of behaviours within heterosexual society and the lesbian and gay communities, there is also a range within the bisexual community. Some have one partner; some choose to be single; some have multiple partners; some bisexuals are celibate. The bisexual population has the same variety of sexual activity as other groups.

Q: Can bisexuals be counted on for long-term committed relationships?
A: A bisexual, like a lesbian, gay, or heterosexual identity is independent of relationship choices: monogamous; polyamorous; non-monogamous; or whatever the parties agree upon. Bisexuals are as capable as anyone else of making a long-term monogamous commitment if that bisexual is also a monogamous person.

Q: Isn’t calling oneself bisexual just a phase a person goes through because he or she is afraid to “come out” as lesbian or gay?
A: Some people do go through a transitional period of bisexuality on their way to adopting a lesbian, gay, or heterosexual identity. For many others, bisexuality remains a long-term orientation. In fact, researchers have found that homosexuality and heterosexuality are often transitional phases in the coming-out process for bisexual people.

Q: Aren’t bisexuals just “confused”?
A: It is natural for bisexuals, gays, and lesbians to go through a period of confusion in the coming-out process. Historically, society has stigmatized same gender/sex attractions and denied the possibility of a bisexual orientation. In this situation, confusion is an understandable reaction until one is able to come out and find a supportive environment. Most bisexuals are absolutely clear about their sexual orientation.

Q: Do people choose to be bisexual?
A: For bisexuals the choice is to live openly and honestly or to be silenced by the invisibility of the closet. No one really knows the origins of sexual orientation, including bisexuality. However, whether it is biologically determined or not, sexual orientation should not determine one’s access to full participation in society.

Q: Do bisexuals want “special rights”?
A: Bisexuals want to live their lives without the threat of discrimination in employment, housing, public accommodation, and the military. To ensure their basic civil rights, bisexuals are seeking equal protection under the law, including same-sex marriage.

Q: Do bisexuals spread AIDS?
A: Bisexuals have been scapegoated as “carriers” of HIV/AIDS to heterosexuals and lesbians. The fact is, risky behaviours spread HIV, not one’s sexual identity. HIV is transmitted when the body fluids of an infected person (e.g. blood, semen, vaginal fluids, or breast milk) enter someone else’s body. Practising safer sex and not sharing injection drug paraphernalia is important for everyone – bisexual, heterosexual, lesbian, gay, or transgender – who is interested in stopping the spread of AIDS.

Q: Should the lesbian and gay communities be inclusive of bisexuals?
A: Bisexuals have always been a part of, as well as apart from, the lesbian and gay communities. Bisexuals are part of the generic definition of gay in the same way that lesbians are. Because heterosexuals lump them all together, bisexuals encounter the same kinds of harassment and discrimination as gays, lesbians, and transgender people. Bisexuals lose their jobs, their homes, and their children, and are discharged from the military when they are honest about their sexual orientation. It is important that bisexuals be included to accurately describe the larger gay community.

Q: When the going gets tough, won’t bisexuals hide in the heterosexual community? Don’t bisexuals dump their same gender/sex partners for different gender/sex partners to pass as straight?
A: People leave relationships for all kinds of reasons, and not just because of the gender/sex of their partner. Anyone regardless of sexual identity who is unable to make a commitment to a relationship may use a person of any gender/sex to leave. To “pass” for straight and deny one’s bisexuality is just as painful and damaging for bisexuals as it is for gays and lesbians to stay in or re-enter the closet. Bisexuals are not heterosexual.

Q: Do some bisexuals identify as heterosexual? What about lesbian or gay?
A: All human sexuality studies have found that there is a notable disparity between what people do (sexual behaviour  and what people call themselves (sexual identity). Many people are unaware that identifying as bisexual is even an option. 

(Significantly, no studies have measured the incidence of bisexual feelings and fantasies that have not been acted upon.) Many people who have sex with more than one gender/sex do not identify as bisexual for a number of reasons, including fear of discrimination and social stigmatization from both heterosexual society and the lesbian and gay communities. 

Thanks to Bialogue for sharing this. 

Gay Canadian pastors optimistic Ja will repeal buggery law while local JCHS group says no way

VANCOUVER, Canada — Tim Stephenson is a former Canadian government minister, a current city councillor of Vancouver, and an ordained pastor, while Reverend Gary Paterson holds one of the highest positions in the United Church of Canada as its elected leader/moderator.

But the extensive political and religious accomplishments of both men are not what these two Canadians are most known for. In Stephenson's case, it is the title of being the first openly gay man to be ordained a church minister in Canada, while for Paterson, it is the historic election of a gay man as moderator within this once ultra-conservative denomination.

The two, who have been legally married for the greater part of the 33 years and have lived together as partners, sat down at City Hall earlier last week to have a frank discussion with a Jamaica delegation of journalists and policymakers here in Vancouver participating in a knowledge exchange sesson organised by Panos Caribbean in partnership with Simon Fraser University and the Vancouver Initiative.

"We sometimes define ourselves as church and state sleeping together," Stephenson quipped as he began the conversation.

He added further, "it took me 12 years to get ordained as a minister as the church wrestled with the issue".

Both men have been previously married to women, with Paterson fathering three daughters from his union.

As a member of Canada's New Democratic Party, Stephenson said he was elected as the first openly gay member of the legislature, then deputy speaker of the House, and subsequently cabinet minister, before his party lost power after a five-year stint in office.Following this defeat, Stephenson said he returned to the church congregation to serve as minister before heading back to politics, this time to run for City Councillor 11 years ago. He has been re-elected four times, and was also appointed the Canadian representative to China.

Paterson had been ordained as the lead minister in the church before he disclosed his status as a gay man.

"The church struggled with me and Tim as ministers, although I was ordained when I was a married man," he said.

Explaining the journey, Paterson said the United Church started to do educational work around homosexuality as far back as the 1980s, staging various workshops to help people get comfortable with the issue.

"In 1984, we produced the first report that there should be no contradiction between being Christian and gay," he said, adding that there was extensive consultation done across Canada.Out of this it was recommended that gay men and lesbians be allowed full membership in the church. Not everybody took the news with an open heart and mind, as about 10 per cent left the church. However, Paterson said, for the most part, the other 90 per cent were comfortable with the decision. Currently, 20 per cent of the church's members are gay.

In the discussions that followed, Paterson said the evangelical church accused them of not being Christians, while the Catholics avoided the issue altogether.

Now, he says a large number of the church's membership consists of "refugees" from evangelical churches; persons he said have been "damaged" by their old church's beliefs.

"A lot of gay persons went to church because there is a belief that if you pray to Jesus you won't be gay, but psychological studies prove there is just cessation of sex," he said.

As such, Paterson said a part of his ministry is to reach out to people who have been badly damaged by the Christian church.

Turning to the biblical stance on homosexuality, Paterson said Jesus Christ never had anything to say about homosexuality, but had a lot to say about divorce and yet the church has been able to find ways to get around the dissolution of marriage.

"In fact, Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed because of the people's inhospitality, and not because of the act of homosexuality," he opined.

Questioned as to whether there is some truth to the statement that the gay community is becoming the most powerful and influential group on the planet Paterson dismissed the notion.

"That statement is ridiculous and comes from fear... sometimes gay people have influence and sometimes they don't," he said.

As a lawmaker, Stephenson was instrumental in allowing gay Canadian men to adopt children and to change the definition of the word 'spouse'.In fact, Paterson believes children raised by gay couples are stronger and more resilient, as they learn how to deal with differences and how to cope with bullying at school.
Paterson, who said he discovered his love for men from age 13, said he initially told his wife he was bisexual, but she was willing to give the relationship a chance.

"We had seven years of marriage, and when it ended we made a decision to share the parenting of the girls and not live more than 10 blocks away from each other," he said.

Stephenson, who left his five-year marriage without fathering any children, said he quickly fit into the parenting role.The men said they usually travel around the world on vacation as a couple and are looking forward to visiting Jamaica, although they have heard the stories that "it is a difficult place for gay people".
They however expressed optimism that the Jamaican buggery laws will eventually be repealed.

"I think Jamaica will change its laws and things will get different," Paterson said.

The couple say they have been invited to the United Church in Bermuda and are looking forward to sharing there.

Read more HERE

Meanwhile Dr. Wayne West of the Jamaica Coalition for a Healthy Society, JCHS who happen to also be planning an event on Human Rights Day December 10 speaking on the backdrop of the Russian resolution on family life back in October of this year he said " .... No I'm not persuaded for that at all because I am confident that unlike countries like maybe the United States & England who operate apparently on slogans than facts than in Jamaica persons in the media will bring the philosophical considerations to the Jamaican people .......... once the Jamaican people understand that once you start a line of policy making that makes the assumption there is no purpose in the universe that anything can be anything ....." he gave the impression that all kinds of bizarre things may become normative. Then came the HIV is a gay disease trope once again where he said "We know among men who have sex with men they make certain choices and definitions of sex which result in serious diseases in this group, when that consideration is brought to the Jamaican policy makers I am confident that those things will not become law in Jamaica." he continued "I don't expect any such changes in the law."

He continued in referring to the "no design" philosophy driving the push for rights and twisting the traditional views of the family hence the Home and Family Life curriculum's push for supposed an anything goes mantra and that such philosophies are being pushed by the elite classes especially those in the humanities at universities here. "What we are having being imposed on us is what Aristotle said should not be a basis for law, desire simply desire is not a basis for law." he continued he went on also about the world view that now obtains and that all things are relative. He said there is a denial of purpose and an elevation of desire to the detriment of the good of the society. The coalition also had placed a full paged ad in the GLEANER newspaper on Friday last a most expensive venture if one cares to check but I do not see them looking at the poor amongst us nor the children who gays are supposedly preying on, conditioning as it regularly termed since the HFLE fiasco or influencing, so much for a healthy society indeed when the obvious matters are of no direct concern to them yet privacy must be invaded to push an anti gay agenda. What hypocrisy, what about the homeless and children in adult lockups, the rapes and so on how comes this coalition is so silent in those departments? 

I would imagine that a real healthy society would have inclusiveness as its mantra despite sexual orientation and deal with those who are the least amongst us.

My other main concern is the repeated uninformed comments from foreigners who clearly do not understand the local parameters with our struggle. Jamaica is NOT Canada and our political representatives are not at the point yet for a mature, non-emotional and balanced debate towards a solution in this matter of the buggery law seeing that securing political expediency is of far greater import coupled with some powerful out of touch advocates who seem to care about their personal achievements at the expense of a gullible community more so than the growth of the collective.

Recent pronouncements by the Health Minister Dr Fenton Ferguson point to a public health reason that of high rates of HIV infections in the MSM group (despite the last study results not out as yet) as a plausible one for the repeal or decriminalization of buggery. While the government through its information Minister made it clear that is on the back burner for now.

see:

HIV/AIDS Deaths Dip ..but ......................

and a podcast on the government's delay on the suggested buggery review

Peace and tolerance

H