How to Tell if Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend Is Cheating

Taken from the ongoing LGBT Love chamber workshop series and appearing on Wiki How to do anything:

A cheating boyfriend or girlfriend is something we worry about. Not everyone cheats. From time to time, these worries are unfounded. Perhaps he does have to work late, or the strange girl in your bathroom is his sister, but here are some sure signals to find a cheating significant other. 

Everyone in the world thinks everyone is cheating. Ask yourself before you put yourself through all this stuff. Does he love you and if the answer is yes, then he is not cheating and all these signs are from typical lying fools and you should spend your day thinking of all the positives things he or she does for you and how much they love you.
1 Pay attention to changes in their normal routine. Is he, for instance, coming home from work later than usual on some nights? Sometimes these small changes to a person's routine mean nothing more than life has given them a reason to be unavailable, but they are still something that you want to be aware of.

2 Does he/she allow you to touch, or look through their phone, emails, etc.? If your boyfriend or girlfriend is hiding their phone from you, or deleting all their messages before letting you have it, then there is something they don't want you to see.

3 Notice if they leave the room to take calls. If you ask whom called or texted them, do they always tell you "It's nobody?" These are also important signals, which like number 2, show that your fiancee, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. has something to hide.

4 Have they become moody suddenly, and eager to start fights? Sometimes, a cheating lover will displace his or her shame, anger, and guilt onto you by starting a fight, which can then be blamed on you. In short, they need a place to throw off their negative feelings.

5 Has your boyfriend or girlfriend stopped talking to you? Did your significant other always have things to say, and has suddenly become distant? Your relationship may be losing intimacy because your lover has started a new one with someone else.

6 Notice if a boyfriend or girlfriend is constantly putting someone else down.They may be saying awful things about that person, but pay attention to the fact that they are still talking about them 24/7. They are trying to fool you into believing the person is undesirable, thus throwing the suspicion off them.

7 Pay attention to changing interests, including music, political views, social issues, favorite books, or movies, etc. When someone spends enough time with someone else, they begin to adopt their views, or at least understand them. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is interested in things that they hated before, perhaps they are being influenced by someone else more than usual.

8 Have his or her friends begun to act oddly around you? When you casually talk to his friends, do they seem anxious, nervous, or eager to leave? They probably know something you don't know.

9 Does he smell different when he comes near you? Everyone knows this one is cliche, but it is also true. If he's coming around smelling like a perfume that you don't wear, then he's been too close with someone who wears it.

10 Does he or she become angry when you come over unannounced, or only text you when they are at home, never calling you? These are also signs of a between-the-sheets betrayal. For some reason, they do not want you at their home at certain times, and they do not want to call you while they are at home.

11 Catch them in a lie. Casually ask a boyfriend or girlfriend where they were such and such day, and let them answer. Remember their answer, and ask again a few days later. If they are lying constantly, then they will have a hard time keeping up. They may start to get angry with these simple questions, another big hint.

12 Watch for unexplained bills, receipts for meals, etc. bought for two people. If you keep finding receipts from McDonalds with two different meals on it, or two sodas in the cup holders, or a bill for a bracelet you did not get, then watch out.

13 Pay attention to whether he has to "clean up" before letting you into his house, room, or car. If an earring is lying in the passenger side of his car, or a condom is behind their bed, extra time will probably be taken to dispose of those items.

14 Do they have other email accounts, or other online accounts? Or begin to, out of nowhere, change their passwords to keep you out of their accounts? Normally, if they didn't give you their password to start with, this is no problem. But if they've suddenly changed it to protect messages they've written, or chats they've had, you should be aware.

15 And lastly, notice whether he begins to buy you gifts out of nowhere, or she starts casually mentioning an end to your relationship. Questions such as, "What would you do if we broke up," are key hints. Men and women, both, become guilty. This guilt can easily be forgotten with an action or item for the other person that makes the cheater seem selfless.

More snags for the cruising community in 2013

Disclaimer: I have no formal psychological training but have been interested by the outdoor sex phenomenon for some decades now as applicable to Jamaican MSM experiences. I also decided to drop this one here as entries of this nature would be seen on Gay Jamaica Watch but due to the urgent legal matters that are at hand GJW will be hosting those posts only for now. 

This entry is not about the typical standing on or walking by a street corner or plaza in some city centre and employing ones gaydar to catch poon tangs that is easy and comes natural for some of us but this is about the masculine grizzly targeted thug hunting experience in a specific geographical zone complete with musk, grit, grime, industrial wasteland or green spaces (green grass hotel), sweat, pheromones, no deep emotions, non feminized elements and importantly un-attachment for that quick release of virulent pent up sexual desire in the end however short the time of contact. Some time ago when I last looked at sections of the outdoor cruising communities and sub groups under the MSM umbrella I noticed that some members were bitterly complaining that their haunting grounds were overtaken by the preponderance of homeless or displaced MSM who do not necessarily cruise in this specific sense especially from the New Kingston and Seymour Lands areas and beyond to the outskirts of Old Hope Roads when the homeless groups occupied illegally lands and houses but have since been removed by the local authorities namely the parish council with the aid of the police. Also see: Robbers target male hookers

The Jamaica Observer Clovis cartoon depiction of the problematic homeless MSM scenario relocated to the Barbican area, the online version from their website was removed following some complaints but I managed to get it scanned from my hardcopy edition of May 31, 2013, the paper has been in love hate relationship sorts ever since their first coverage of the matter when the men launched an attack at the former JASL/JFLAG offices August 23/4, 2011: MORE HERE and HERE

The migration pattern of that group has since gone northwards to Barbican as their options become less after the eviction of Jamaica AIDS Support, JAS and their LGBT offshoot Jamaica Forum for Lesbians Allsexuals and Gays, JFLAG from 4 Upper Musgrave Avenue (actually an old cruising haunt for MSM and female commercial sex work spot in the early nineties when previously unoccupied) newer populations still congregate in New Kingston proper. 

The men now located at a house in the Millsborough area for now as the caretaker there has insisted that they have to leave as the situation has become untenable the proper response to that issue is still forthcoming from the relevant agencies. With the migratory pattern occurring that has not helped any the comfort somewhat of the cruisers who before when the homeless MSM were far less in numbers and more docile coexisted peacefully often overlapping as commercial sexual arrangements would sometimes result if the cruisers were not making any headway for sexual pleasure via their modus operandi. 

Now it seems the bemoaning the loss of “space” continues as they are still limited to a certain quadrant in the New Kingston area added to that the other zones are limited or have since become unworkable as recent public incidents have impacted their usage and safety. Case in point is a matter of two alleged partnered masturbators who were caught in the act some three weeks ago in downtown proper at an old haunt for generations by a man who eventually called attention to the issue, the men one allegedly a handcart operator made good their escape however but not afterwards the authorities were somehow notified and the area bushed, rubble removed and cleared so as to avoid any further “batty business” thugs were apparently ordered to or hired to watch the area for now.

That particular spot down-town and other older ruins have had incidents prior and as posted here as well but it seems to always been able to recover despite major physical changes made to it and has been used for generations of cruisers as a haunt, heterosexuals also use the area for the occasional sexual encounters and a few female commercial sex workers/substance users also operate in the area by day, they were aware of the shenanigans that took place there but it is a symbiotic relationship it seems according to my cruiser source, the men are not a threat to their business since the cruisers would stay clear when met with such hetero circumstances and vice versa. 

The groups would also exchange information and safer sex implements when available among other socializations. The old industrial factory space seems to be an irresistible attraction for men whether on the down low  cruisers or commercial sex workers as the masculinity of the environment seems to be the draw card. In speaking to one of the senior more experiences cruisers who has assisted me before in examining this issue of cruising in Kingston he said that the place just has a thing to it that he has to go to see if any men are there and according to him there is often time someone there, if not a new face then some regular. What is the draw card to me especially for far younger users or cruisers is puzzling, how do they know instinctively that that spot is for sexual connections (usually non penetrative or outer-coursal activity) is baffling, gaydar perhaps? The physical outlay of the area seems a major qualification for such a pull of these persons and subsequent sexual activity I can recall some years ago an old rice factory in Spanish Town as well (now turned the JUTC bus park) that attracted men from all over I took particular interest in the phenomenon then as it became a sight for my HIV outreach work with men who have sex with men and it was there I realized we were dealing with a totally different set of variables and practices not covered by the HIV response at all. Often times these are men with normalised lives, girlfriends, “babymothers,” even wives or just homo curious recluse who use unusual short impact sexual contact as release it seems so as to avoid too much personal contact and invasion of their psychological space. The impersonal nature of the contact, no possibility of emotional traces, the intense physical satisfaction and thrill of the hunt in doing it in public but not getting caught are also factors that I have come to understand, a kind of utilitarianism. This is of course outside of persons who do not have the convenience at their place of residence for open consensual same sex intimacy.

I will admit I too have passed through the area in Kingston for a haunt or two but it is not really my cup of tea but one thing is clear all kinds of characters are there surprisingly, some even look like your typical homophobe if seen in another setting and these are not the same populations of men one as experienced as I am see in the LGBT social scene nor in other so called cruising zones as well. This leads me to think that there are many other males though not self identifying as homosexual who prefer this kind of urban discreet rugged outdoor contact for that quickie as a release. I prefer to approach thug types in their own spaces as I have developed my skills at reading them and know the ones to avoid or to approach even when they are homo-curious or bisexual. Anal penetrative sex is not usually the chosen type of contact in outdoor spaces such as this I learnt over the years during my HIV outreach work as safety and ease of escape if discovered is crucial so less tedious activity is chosen that won’t involve removal of clothing that may impede such escape if found or caught by an unsuspecting person who may use the area to also to urinate or defecate. 

They tend to go for partnered masturbation or solo masturbation while watching another male either masturbate also unbeknownst to them being seen or if another should urinate the proverbial glory hole type voyeurism but in an outdoor scenario. Oral/anal activity may occur such as rimming if convenient my cruiser friend advised me that he often heard of some men carrying a bottle of water on their persons for a quick enema which is not surprising as many male commercial sex workers do so as well to make themselves presentable to their clients, sadly the HIV response locally is yet to move progressively to make fleet and other such types of implements available and indeed engage these sub groups under the MSM label.

Scatting and such practices do not factor here in Jamaica although the site as indicated earlier is used as a bathroom since the public restrooms charge for usage so persons avoid them.

Exhibitionists also pass through occasionally according to my trusted senior cruiser friend (who also still wants me and him to hookup) but they come few in between for open masturbation usually alone but more so after a shower or rain when less passers-by are around but enough persons to give them the drive to publicly masturbate seeing that is their urge and incessant need sexually speaking. The two aforementioned partnered masturbators were said to be frequent pass-throughs and my cruiser contact seems still concerned of how they got caught, he even speculates that maybe another would be cruiser may have been upset at the two pairing and not himself being a partner to the act.

In early 2011 that entire section in downtown was bulldozed I can recall under the then Jamaica Labour Party JLP administration when a certain mayoral candidate was around as the area falls in the constituency of that party and some years prior to that a nude handcart man was found dead in the vicinity the cause of death was not clear but a newspaper report suggested he was raped as tests revealed anal trauma. The once vibrant Emancipation Park area in New Kingston that was also a haunt prior to its construction and which attracted persons even after it became a public thoroughfare seems to have lost its fervour. Vendors, police patrols and car parking have since crowded the spot and the occasional exhibitionist as well are not so prevalent any more as an amusement park sits across the street attracting many children, exhibitionist have a particular aversion to carrying out there act in front of children which also is another mystery to me psychologically speaking although it makes some sense as they are not paedophiles so prepubescent persons would not fit their intended profile for near public erotic exposure.

Some questions come to mind some of which I have asked before I believe;

What would attract this set of MSM to these outdoor spots?

Why do they not also social on the main LGBTQ scenes?

Outdoor sex implies an element of danger hence the attractiveness of it?

Why is effeminacy not a prominent trait in this group of MSM?

Is hyper-masculinity or forced masculinization (including aesthetics) a means of protection in these outdoor spaces to avoid profiling or suspicion?

Another incident that came to hand was in western Jamaica by a certain beach front stretch this time however penetrative sex was involved both persons just barely escaped the doom as men swooped down on the unsuspecting couple who were allegedly in high ecstasy while making love. While not a direct cruising matter it was only this month I posted on GLBTQJA of a male couple in St Catherine who had to flee their community after being caught in the act by the grandmother of one who arrived unannounced. Such are the challenges that sometimes cause persons to seek alternate outdoor secret arrangements to compensate for lack of space apart from the other attractive reasons relative to the individuals involved. In that same post I also examined a previous incident in the same parish by a man made water course where a partnered-masturbating male couple were caught and the police also got involved to literally save them from a thrashing from an angry mob that converged after the men swam to safety and retreated in bushes on the opposite side of the canal.

Such are the risks with hook-ups and outdoor cruising but with all those issues persons still seem drawn to the practice/phenomenon I guess an old English adage the closer you are to danger the further you are from harm has some resonance in this somewhere as who would often suspect raunchy illicit sex in open spaces quite unexpectedly? After all female commercial sex workers also use this form of hiding right under your nose ideology too, many of them do engage clients in car parks and inside motor vehicle unbeknownst to passers-by as one would never suspect that activity to close by. Parts of Central Park in New York comes to mind despite police patrols and a vagrancy law I believe but men hook up none the less, France for example has red zones where outdoor sex is allowed undisturbed be it homosexual or heterosexual and the infamous bathroom glory hole cruising is a special feature of French gay male culture. Many Jamaicans who go or now live there have told me the erotic stories. Amsterdam is noted for these zones as well married with open substance use as well whether Jamaica will ever get to this kind of progressive thinking is left to be seen seeing that policing homosexuality is still a major priority in the face of the disease control, The religious/biblical fundamentalist anti-homosexuality imperative; protecting vulnerable youth from homosexuality, as conflated with paedophilia; the imperative of the ‘unnaturalness’ of homosexuality and the imperative of the purity and authenticity of a primordially homosexuality-free global African culture all of which drive our entrenched or hardened positions towards male homosexuality in particular. If we can’t even get passed just making same sex intimacy private for consenting adults on the face of a “keep it to yourself” public sentiments then how are we going to allow some unconventional personal freedoms (though not impeding others) in public spaces?

Sex; we seek it, we enjoy it how some go about it may be unconventional at least bizarre at best but it’s the human condition I guess, after all if we did not have buildings to contend with we may have all been doing it in the bushes.

Peace and tolerance

H

also see: 

Cruising community challenges continue  2011

Some cruising challenges .......... 2011

Doing 'business' in New Kingston ...

The Cruising community’s dilemma .....

Fame FM's "Uncensored" on Piercings, Men fighting ...

Thugs caught lovemaking forced to flee for their lives 2013

Down low gone mad, Biphobia, or Sexual Abuse?

World’s first condom specifically designed for anal sex

A California company has unveiled prototypes of its new accordion-shaped condoms specifically designed for receptive anal intercourse as well as for men and women, and projects that the condoms will go to market in 2015 pending approvals. [Images and video may not be suitable/safe for work (NSFW).]

A California company, Origami Condoms, is planning to roll out a new condom specially designed for anal sex to the market in 2015 pending regulatory approvals.

The accordion-shaped device is the first to be made with injection-molded engineered silicone instead of conventional latex or animal skin. In addition to the Origami R.A.I. (Receptive Anal Intercourse) condom, the company’s range also includes the Male Condom and Female Condom, both of which share a similar accordion-like design.

The Origami Condoms’ website states the O.R.A.I condom is “intended to facilitate a pleasurable and safe experience for both partners, increase its acceptability, improve sensation and comfort, and influence consistent condom compliance for those who engage in anal intercourse and are at risk for contracting HIV/AIDS, and STI/STD.” And to “provide a receptive partner with the initiative to use a condom without negotiation.”

Last month, the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation mentioned the new company on its blog saying: “Origami Condoms provides an excellent example of a private enterprise focused on new condom design to promote consistent use by emphasizing the sexual experience.” The foundation is offering a US$100,000 startup grant to innovators to reinvent "the next generation condom that significantly preserves or enhances pleasure" and promotes "regular use."

Before the condom reaches the market in 2015 as the company hopes, it must be approved by the FDA, the WHO and C-Mark (EU) to meet rigorous safety standards. The company also announced on its site that it will launch its crowdfunding campaign on Indiegogo on May 7.

ORIGAMI Receptive Anal Intercourse Instruction from ORIGAMI Condoms

Interview with the Inventor from ORIGAMI Condoms
“In 1993, I had a life changing incident, a broken condom and a HIV diagnosis. 

This drastically changed my view about condoms,” inventor Danny Resnic said.

Safer rimming or anilingus .......... tips & suggestions

Information you can use and to memorize (the relevant parts to you):

On the strength of a running poll that will expire in 21 days or less via Gay Jamaica Watch (imaged below) on anal cleansing/hygiene methods where:

55% of respondents said they use water

10% use vinegar

28% use homemade

17% said they did no such practice, I would imagine that means outside of regular daily hygiene.

the majority of respondents were NOT Jamaican though according to the tracking system overall of visitors to the blog but my local readers are close behind the United States in as far as hits are concerned, Canada is a distant third. Maybe this simple poll result is an indication that there maybe need to promote anal hygiene far more than we already have in the HIV/STI prevention programs. The training sessions seem to just gloss over this matter and worse yet if the presenters themselves are uncomfortable with the materials or the thought of this kind of graphic evasive sex act they may sanitize the information and quickly run through a powerpoint presentation as I have seen happen before.

A recent set of gay men's health seminars I was a part of reflected the need greatly, presenters for example had a hard time getting the men mostly in their twenties to talk about the subject of proper hygiene far more regularly and detailed than just a typical shower and or bowel movement. In fact the thought by some to insert any other object for flushing or cleaning was frightening even though the tips included lubricant use and or ready made off-the-shelf enemas.

What came out repeatedly in the sessions were that many of the men use an older practice of soda bottles with water as an emergency flush in case they have a romantic interest on the spur of the moment so as to make the interaction a more tidier episode in their eyes.

What also prompted me to do this post was an exchange I was asked to join between some young gay men at a social where the matter came up for mention and that of shaving as well.

Since Dr Wayne West antigay, and anti-abortion activist insists on talking about felching and fisting every chance he gets as if those practices abound here in Jamaica when they do not, here is a reality check of sorts for him and others too who push this dishonest imperative to advance their agenda. With this entry I also want to help those who maybe thinking about the practice or have already tried it and are not sure of what to actually do in terms of safer sex. As you may realize this blog is not limited to just the basic MSM issues but others that do not get covered elsewhere in Jamaica.

This entry does not serve as the only set of suggestions or guidelines as the internet abounds with information on the practice and commensurate safer sex options available, most interpreted as per jurisdiction and popular sexual practices there. Google and the results you get ....................

You might call it tossing salad, rimming, eating @$, a rim job, tongue f---ing, fridge cleaning, battywash or whitewashing the back 40. To a medical professional it's anal/oral sex.

No matter what you call it, following these tips below could really save your butt whether you're tossing someone's salad or they're tossing yours.

General Safer Rimming & Ass Play Tips

1. Douching (flushing inside your butt with water) - If you do it, be gentle and don't rush. Douching can damage the anal canal and drive infections further in. Douching too fast can increase the risk. Also, don't do it immediately before @$ play, do it a few hours before so you're butt isn't so irritated, making it more prone to infections. Don't use soap, it irritates the skin and tissue in and around your butt. 

I strongly suggest an enema if you can't afford a more professional one for at least once a month or the over the counter fleets (as seen above) that are reasonable priced at just over $250 in nearly every major pharmacy I have been to and they are also on the shelves so you DO NOT have to ask for it in secret anymore as in the old days. Enemas do not protect you 100% from parasites in and around the orifice or ass but it will remove any build-up thus making anal contact a far more tidier activity contrary to what the aforementioned doctor would like to parade to his supporters and the public. 

Enemas are sometimes used to treat constipation, or hard stools. Oil retention enemas serve to lubricate the stool and area, help passage. sometimes used ad preliminary enema before tap water or saline type (phosphate) enemas, Soda bottles are a no no as the mouths of them are perverted with sometimes sharp points that can cut the area and make for transmission of HIV or other STI's if a condom or other barrier was not used during the exchange or penetration. Tell your friends who you may know who do this practice.

What are the differences between a fleet enema and a regular enema?

enema balls example

Fleet's brand enemas come in a variety of types-phosphate, saline, oil. They come in pre-filled bottles. Regular enema is tap water, often hung in a bag (looks like a hot water bottle with a hose and nozzle). Do not use soap suds-very irritating to lining of colon.

A diet consisting of fibre rich foods such as wholewheat bread so as to make the excrement or your bowel movements more solid leaving less materials inside the sphincter muscle area or the ass-hole thus making the removal or cleansing process much easier. Rimming can be a most pleasurable experience based on the mucous membranes that line the outer part of rectum and the sphincter muscle (ass-hole). DO NOT OVERDO IT though and if you really need to be fresh for your partner do so at LEAST one hour before the activity is the recommendation, however over the counter fleets contain sodium phosphate which some experts warn that the substance causes water or fluid to leave the gastrointestinal tract. You can use an enema that contains sorbitol and glycerin. It comes in a squeezable 180 ml bottles. Its commercial name is "easy-go" in some countries. Or just use water enema. There are also one use disposables as seen at hospitals with the lengthy tubes and bags.

Do not take the rectal enema by mouth. It is for use only in your rectum.

To use the enema, lie down on your left side with your knees bent.

Remove the cap from the applicator tip and gently insert the tip into your rectum. Slowly squeeze the bottle to empty the contents into the rectum.

For best results, stay lying down until you feel the urge to have a bowel movement. This should occur within 2 to 15 minutes in most cases. Then relieve yourself in the toilet.

If you do not get any results after using sodium biphosphate and sodium phosphate, call your doctor before using another dose. Certain heart drugs also must not be taken with or near the time of the enema, lookout for signs such as unusual bowel movements etc.
Fleet Enema EXTRA contains 70% more volume than Fleet Enema for extra cleansing and relief. The tips of the Fleet Naturals Cleansing Enema contains a water-based lubricant to ease insertion into the rectum. Fleet Naturals is a non-medicated Cleansing Enema designed for personal cleansing at home. Fleet Naturals is intended for safe use whenever you want to feel fresh and clean. Fleet Laxative Enemas are used to relieve occasional constipation, or may be recommended by your physician.

2. Use Dental dams or non-lubricated condoms split lengthwise down the middle to protect yourself during rimming. Mark one side of the barrier so if you drop it, you’ll know which side was yours. Use lube on the side touching your partner to increase his/her pleasure and sensitivity.

3. Latex allergy? - Use polyurethane condoms or female condoms (also polyurethane) to make the dental dam.

3. Sharing sex toys? - Cover them with a condom and change condoms between partners; clean after every use to avoid sharing STDs and parasites.

4. Get vaccinated for Hepatitis A & B (which can be transmitted during anal play)

Protecting Against Herpes

1. Don’t rim someone without a barrier if you’ve got active or recently healed cold sores (herpes). Infections for herpes can also happen four or five days prior to the appearance of sores.

2. If there are sores on your partner’s butt, be sure to use a barrier when rimming him.

3. If a partner has a cold sore (herpes) insist they use a barrier or find other ways to play with each other

Protecting Against Parasites

Use these tips, especially if you don't use a barrier (e.g. split condom or dental dam)...

1. Wash around and just inside the @$hole (anus) before rimming. (Less invasive than douching). Just with douching, don’t use soap when washing inside your anus—it’s an irritant.

2. Get checked for parasites during your regular STI checkup. If you experience diarrhea, cramping, bloating, changes in appetite, weight loss, fatigue or other possible symptoms of a parasitic infection get tested sooner.

Health risk realities 

There are many health problems that can result from practising anilingus providing the bacteria, viruses, or parasites that cause them are on or in the anus or rectum. These include:

Bacterial diseases - Always possible since human feces is the waste product of the human digestive system including bacteria.
shigellosis (bacillary dysentery)

Viral systemic diseases
hepatitis A
hepatitis B
hepatitis C
poliomyelitis
human papillomavirus (HPV)
herpes simplex virus

Parasites
intestinal parasites

Infections and inflammations
chlamydia infection
gastroenteritis
conjunctivitis
gonorrhea

and other sexually transmitted diseases.

Applying the mouth to the genitals immediately after applying it to the anus can inadvertently introduce the bacterium Escherichia coli("E. coli") into the urethra, leading to a urinary tract infection. 

HIV/AIDS is not believed to be easily transmitted through anilingus.

Frequent anilingus with casual partners increases the health risks associated with the practice. Generally, people carrying infections that may be passed on during analingus appear healthy. Parasites may be in the faeces if poorly cooked meat was consumed. The faeces contain traces of Hepatitis A only if the infected person has eaten contaminated food.

Another recent study suggests a correlation between oral sex and throat cancer. It is believed that this is due to the transmission of HPV because this virus has been implicated in most cervical cancers. The study concludes that people who had one to five oral-sex partners in their lifetime had approximately a doubled risk of throat cancer compared with those who never engaged in this activity. Those with more than five oral-sex partners had a 250% increased risk compared with those who never engaged in this activity.

Prevention as in all things do what you can to avoid raising your risk level.Avoid unprotected sex which involves fellatio after anal intercourse.

If the receiving partner has wounds or open sores on the genitals, or if the giving partner has wounds or open sores on or in the mouth, or bleeding gums, this poses an increased risk of STD transmission. Brushing the teeth, flossing, undergoing dental work, and eating crunchy foods (such as potato chips) relatively soon before or after performing anilingus also increases the risk of transmission, because all of these activities can cause small scratches on the inside of the lips, cheeks, and palate. These wounds, even when they are microscopic, increase the chances of contracting STDs that can be transmitted orally under these conditions.

Because of disease risks, many medical professionals recommend the use of dental dams in anilingus. An enema can reduce the risk of direct faecal contact. However, a person who receives an enema may still have harmful microbes in the anus after the procedure.

Basis for anal pleasure

The anus (the anal opening), the anal canal (the first few inches inside), and the rectum are all sensitive in different ways, which is why anal stimulation and penetration can be so pleasurable. The external and internal sphincter muscles surround the anal opening. These muscles can work together or independently of each other, and these are the muscles we must learn to relax in order to achieve comfortable anal penetration whether by a penis, a toy or a tongue. When we talk about the sphincter and pelvic muscles and how they play a role in anal pleasure, we discuss them less in terms of sensitivity and more in terms of how tone and “in shape” they are and how tense or relaxed they are. The anus and the outer part of the anal canal are made of the same sensitive soft tissue and this tissue contains the most concentration of nerve endings of all our anal anatomy. In general, this tissue tends to be more sensitive to touch and vibration. The inner part of the anal canal and the rectum are mucous membrane and have a lot less nerve endings; however this tissue is much more sensitive to pressure (like from penetration).

Men and women have nearly identical anorectal anatomy except for one important difference: men have a prostate gland, which can be stimulated directly via anal penetration, that is why for some men they can ejaculate while being penetrated by another man or by a toy inserted the anus with targeted thrusts. The prostate gland surrounds part of a man’s urethra; it’s behind the pubic bone, below the bladder and above the base of the penis. A mass of muscle, glands, and connective tissue, the prostate is about the size and shape of a walnut; it produces ejaculatory fluid that combines with sperm and fluid from the seminal vesicles to create male ejaculate. Men can experience direct prostate stimulation when they are anally penetrated. It can be found by sliding a finger (or toy) about one to two inches inside a man’s ass and aiming toward the front of his body.

While women don’t have a prostate, but we do have a G-spot and can experience indirect G-spot stimulation through anal penetration. The G-spot is the urethral sponge which sits around the urethra; to find it, slip a finger inside her vagina an inch to an inch and a half and toward the front of her body. The G-spot can be stimulated through the front wall of the vagina or indirectly though anal sex.

Consider well before getting down in that shoot brothers, legal or not it's bound to be eaten, poked or licked. Keep that box fresh!!!!!!!! for your man,

Peace and tolerance

H

Education Minister says he has been harrassed post the HFLE Manual withdrawal

It is difficult to confirm this one clearly but since the Minister of Education's dithering on the Home and Family Life, HFLE curriculum matter that had contained therein some questions that were deemed objectionable and maybe inappropriate for the age cohort intended, grades 7 - 9, so we can surmise 12 to 14 year olds depending on what age they successfully attained GSAT results etc. Erica Virtue of the Gleaner says the paper has confirmed from the horses mouth that he has been fact been receiving inappropriate emails and other correspondences on the matter.

The Minister on his feet in parliament justifying the withdrawal of the manual in October 2012.

In two previous posts (see linked below) while I have been disappointed and very critical of the minister's decision to seemingly capitulate to the religious right as he himself is a man of the cloth due to the questions that explore homosexuality, anal sex, HIV testing and disclosure and a problematic guided imagery exercise that asks the students in a controlled setting I might add (as I understand it) to imagine themselves gay and everyone else straight or hetersexual and the associated stigmas the student may feel in the reverse roles. 

Urgent need to discuss Sex & sexuality nationally part 1

Urgent need to discuss Sex & sexuality nationally part 2

In the absence of an 2012 online copy of the manual here are some of the questions as carried on TVJ when the story broke in November, the hard copies have been pulled from the trained teachers' hands. (no copyright infringement intended) Here is the 2009 version in case:

DOWNLOAD HERE

Here is the article by Miss Virtue:

Lifestyle Text Withdrawal Backlash - Calls And Letters, Attack Ministry, Minister

Erica Virtue, Senior Gleaner Writer

Jamaica's Education Ministry is taking a beating from local and international rights groups who are upset that it pulled the controversial health and family life education (HFLE) text issued to grades 7-9 students.

Education Minister Ronald Thwaites last week confirmed the attacks, but opted not to disclose the names of the groups and individuals leading them.

"We have been inundated by calls and letters because of the position the ministry took. Up to today (Wednesday), I received a broadside from a group of gay, lesbian and transsexual people in New Jersey in the United States, who wanted to know why I was in favour of hate crimes," Thwaites told The Sunday Gleaner.

According to Thwaites, the New Jersey group wanted to know when he could report to it the full information on non-discriminatory material available to all students in Jamaica.

"It has been surprising to me, because our position is that, in principle we support the instruction of children towards healthy, faithful heterosexual relations, with tolerance and with understanding and non-discrimination towards others who adopt a different and alternative lifestyle," the minister said.

According to Thwaites, the position taken by the ministry was consistent with the position taken by Prime Minister Portia Simpson Miller.

"But, apparently, there are many of those who want something much more than that and who feel that we must instruct children in all aspects of sexuality; homosexuality, heterosexuality at the earliest stages, without any caution or restraint, and we reject that," he said.

In September, the education ministry pulled the text after a parent pointed out the controversial content. Angry parents at the time demanded to know who approved the text even after it was withdrawn.

Approval questioned

The firestorm was ignited when it was discovered that the text, among other things, required grades seven to nine students to give responses to questions on their involvement in homosexual and heterosexual activity. Some stakeholders including parents and teachers questioned the process by which the Ministry of Education approved its teaching guides.

Thwaites accepted that officials at the ministry did not offer the rigid scrutiny the text should have undergone before it was signed off.

"We blinked," he admitted.

Faced with questions in Parliament from the opposition spokesperson on education, Marisa Dalrymple-Philibert, Thwaites argued that, "no minister of education of whatever political stripe would have knowingly allowed material as obnoxious as that contained in the HFLE curriculum to have been published, and it does appear that there were previous instances, and there were warnings, and it was a clear intention of some who have very clear predispositions regarding sexual conduct ... who got away on this one."

- erica.virtue@gleanerjm.com

ENDS

While I am strongly in support of some sort of sex and sexuality intervention at the high school level as I like others feel that the very reason we have so much homo-negativity and homophobia and patriarchal related challenges in society is because we have been taught reproductive health more so than S & S with a tolerant infused message. If this report by Miss Virtue is to be believed I cautiously used "harassment" in the eyes of the Minister is NOT my idea of engaging the official and to be fair to him he has met with JFLAG and other stakeholders prior to this uproar about the manual, he was present at the IDAHO conference in May where the J and other civil society groups were in attendance.

Yes we also appreciate the interventions (if you will) supporters overseas but they must be guided by the advocates on the ground, lest we forget in 2009 the Red Stripe Boycott in San Francisco and the attempted tourism boycott in Canada by what seemed to be over-exuberant friends without proper consultations and strategies, these high handed moves only serve to make the struggle extended or problematic as persons already resist the notion that Jamaica is one of the most homophobic places on earth (truth or not) thus the backlash at times towards homosexuality is actually the affront persons feel being supposedly castigated as homophobes. 

Just a word to the wise.

Peace and tolerance

H

Cell Damage Caused by Application of Certain Personal Lubricants Does Not Increase Risk of HIV Infection in Tissues Exposed to HIV in a Laboratory, According to a New Study

The use of certain water-based, over-the-counter personal lubricants can dry out and irritate vaginal and rectal tissue, but does not appear to increase susceptibility to HIV in vaginal tissues exposed to HIV in a laboratory setting, according to a study published today in PLoS ONE. Even so, say study authors affiliated with the National Institutes of Health (NIH)-funded Microbicide Trials Network (MTN), more research is needed to fully understand the safety of personal lubricants and their effect on epithelial tissue, the layer of mucosal cells that acts as the body’s first line of defense against sexually transmitted HIV.

“We tested several kinds of personal lubricants [IN THE LABORATORY] and those that did the most damage to cell tissue were hyperosmolar,” said lead study author Charlene S. Dezzutti, Ph.D., associate professor of obstetrics, gynecology and reproductive sciences at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine and principal investigator of the MTN Network Laboratory.

“While we know there is cellular toxicity associated with hyperosmolar lubes, the damage did not appear to make cells more vulnerable to HIV infection,” Dr. Dezzutti explained.

Hyperosmolar lubricants contain more salts, carbohydrates and proteins than are typically found inside cells of the vagina or rectum. This imbalance causes epithelial cells to lose water and, as a result, dry out. They are different from iso-osmolar lubricants, which contain the same amount of salts and other ingredients as do the cells.

Study investigators tested 14 brand-name over-the-counter and mail-order water-, lipid- and silicon-based lubricants. Lubricants selected were identified as those most commonly used during anal sex in a survey, conducted by IRMA, of more than 6,300 respondents. Results indicated that hyperosmolar water-based lubricants caused the most damage to the epithelium taken from the vagina and rectum compared to iso-osmolar water- and silicon-based lubricants.

When the researchers applied the lubricants to tissue taken from the vagina and then exposed the tissue to HIV, they found that the lubricants did not increase the tissue's susceptibility to HIV infection.

Other studies are seeking to address HIV susceptibility with rectal tissue.

Of the lubricants tested in the lab, Good Clean Love and PRÉ, both water-based iso-osmolar lubricants, were shown to be least harmful to epithelial tissue, along with two silicon-based lubricants, Female Condom 2 and Wet Platinum. Lubricants that were most toxic to the epithelial tissue (Gynol II, KY Jelly and Replens) also tended to damage “good” bacteria called lactobacillus, which is needed to maintain a healthy genital tract.

“Much more work needs to be done to explore the safety of lubes,” said Dr. Dezzutti. “This was an early study and the jury is still out as to whether hyperosmolar lubes cause damage to the epithelium that in conjunction with other processes, like inflammation, could increase susceptibility to HIV.”

“The most important point for people to take away from this study is that condoms are still the best way to protect against HIV and that lubes should always be used with compatible condoms.”

In addition to Dr. Dezzutti, authors include Elizabeth R. Brown, Ph.D., Statistical Center for HIV/AIDS Research and Prevention, Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center, Seattle; Bernard Moncla, Ph.D., Julie Russo, Marilyn Cost, Lin Wang, Kevin Uranker, Ratiya Kunjara Na Ayudhya, Kara Pryke, Lisa C. Rohan, Ph.D., with the MTN and the University of Pittsburgh; and Jim Pickett and Marc-André LeBlanc, with International Rectal Microbicide Advocates, Chicago.

The study was funded by the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID), the National Institute of Mental Health and the Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, all components of the NIH.

Additonal reading:

Topical strategies to prevent vaginal HIV transmission.